


The Death- Please say you love me

by just_a_depressed_guy



Category: Death - Fandom
Genre: Death, Depression, Killing, Other, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-05-26 21:54:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15010238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_a_depressed_guy/pseuds/just_a_depressed_guy
Summary: The story is about Alan Seymour, a 14 year old guy facing serious stuff like suicidal thoughts and depression. The story is about his struggle. The shit he faces through school at home, pretty much all of it. THIS IS NOT INSPIRED BY 13RW.Feel free to comment and PM meI DO NOT PROMOTE SELF HARM AND STRONGLY ADVISE THOSE WHO DO IT TO STOP. I am here if anyone one of you wanna talk about anything :)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The story is about Alan Seymour, a 14 year old guy facing serious stuff like suicidal thoughts and depression. The story is about his struggle. The shit he faces through school at home, pretty much all of it. THIS IS NOT INSPIRED BY 13RW.
> 
>  Feel free to comment and PM me
> 
> I DO NOT PROMOTE SELF HARM AND STRONGLY ADVISE THOSE WHO DO IT TO STOP. I am here if anyone one of you wanna talk about anything :)

# 

Chapter 1

It was a cold starry night. Alan lay in bed, looking out of the window with tears in his eyes. All he could think about was how he wasn't good enough for anyone, how everything seemed to fall apart for him. All he liked at the moment was the warm blanket that his grandma gifted him on his 11th birthday. He missed her a lot. It had been 2 years since she had gone to the 'better place', yet he remembered her warm embrace, how she used to kiss him on the forehead. He missed her.

He hated his mom. All he felt was anger and guilt towards her. Anger because of the way she treated him, all the time he was beaten up by his mom just kept circling in his mind. His mom made him feel guilty for all the shit he had faced through life as if it was his fault. He didn't know how being normal felt anymore. This had become his normal life now. He had been terrible for a long time now. Almost all nights, he cried himself to sleep and this night was no different. The same thoughts circled his mind. Whether he should do it or not. Like every other night, he kept summing up the negatives and fell asleep looking for positives to stay.

It wasn't just his mom that made him feel like this. Alan felt useless. Totally useless, as if he was a mistake that was brought into this unjust world for no reason. He had nothing to look forward to, or anyone to really talk to. He had a couple of people in his life but he never felt he could share how he felt with any of them. He felt alone. He just wanted to run away from his life, become a different person, lead a different life. He didn't want to give all of it up but all this seemed hard and he didn't think he could stay if it wasn't going to change.

All his life, he had been alone. At the very age of 9, the bullying had started. That wasn't the first time he had felt hurt. It had been a long time since he was like this and his condition just kept getting worse. For the first time, he had felt like dying was when he was 8. He didn't even know what it was called back then. It was because of his mother. She beat him up trying to teach him a lesson for the smallest things. It wasn't just then, even till the past year his mother used to abuse him, with wooden sticks, solid plastic rods or pretty much anything she could find around him. He really wished someday she would've picked up the knife. It was now that she had given up on him not because she felt guilty or sorry, but because he didn't really feel the pain anymore, and she knew.

Everything he did, felt wrong. He had lost all confidence, in himself and his will to live. He didn't know who he really was anymore. He just tried to be who others wanted him to be and still, he felt he was never enough. He thought about it a lot but he had never thought about actually doing it. He always wished something to come his way. Something so awful that he could finally leave his body, his life. Something that would take over his mind completely, make him numb and force him to end it. There was still a little hope left. He would give anything to make things right with his mother, other children and his feelings.

All he wanted now was himself to be better, for everything to be better, but he wasn't sure it would. Considering the damage done, he didn't feel it was possible anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

Like every other morning, Alan woke up wishing he wouldn't have. The bed-side clock displayed 7:08. Lazily he dragged himself to the washroom to 'freshen up' for the new day. It had been a decent week, excluding his thoughts that haunted him. His mom had been out with his father for the whole week. He had the home to himself. It was over now. 'Back to the fucking torture', he thought. There wasn't any point going to school, considering he would end his life anyway. There was nothing he looked forward to. He had a couple of 'friends' but he never could share anything with any of them. Most of the time he was just alone, hanging out with people he didn't know too well.

He left the house with his bag pack strapped tightly to his back. He could feel the pressure of the books, tugging at his shoulders as if it was trying to bring him down. He walked towards the end of the street where the bus used to come every day. The bus was a little late today. He got in and walked towards the empty seat trying not to make eye contact with the seniors that sat behind. Keeping the bag beside him, he sat down on the window side, looking out without a thing on mind. He just looked out. The trees, people sitting in their lawns. Everything looked so... alive. He felt dead inside. Blocking out the laughter and loud chatter around him, he continued to look outside.

The school was finally in view. He hoped it wouldn't be like every other day but he didn't know what lay ahead.

Stopping his thoughts abruptly, he got down the bus and into the outdoors. People were taking all around him. He felt alone like always and he didn't mind it, he was used to it. Walking towards the front door, Alan caught sight of a girl. He didn't care what the others said, for him she was beautiful. There was no way a guy like him could ever be with a girl like her. She was in homeroom with him and mostly hung around girls. He entered the large building. There was a lot of ruckus in the hall. Avoiding colliding closely with a guy thrown his way, Alan entered his homeroom. All he could think about at the moment was Theresa Smith, the girl he saw outside. 

 

As he wondered about her, she and a couple of her friends entered homeroom. Mr. James, his homeroom teacher was already there gathering the sheets to hand out to the class. Alan never liked Mr. James. He taught English which according to Alan was the hardest subject. Alan's focus shifted back to Theresa. She sat 2 desks ahead to the left which made it the ideal location for Alan to look at her. He had no bad intentions towards her. All he wanted was to be her friend.  Unfortunately he had her in English and Chemistry only.

 

Alan rushed out of homeroom as soon as the bell rang to avoid the jocks who roamed around the halls bullying others. Alan always remembered being called out names, others tugging at his clothes to trouble him the first few days of school. He had been in the school since the gates opened and yet he rarely had any real friends. Each year tried to make new friends and stuck with them for almost a year. Each year, he lost touch with the previous friends. None lasted longer than that. This year was different though. Even after many attempts of making a friend Alan failed miserably. All he wanted was for someone to talk to him and understand the pain and agony Alan was going through and support him.

 

Alan's day was over quicker than he expected. He felt happy for a change. Theresa was his Chemistry project partner and he had finally got her number. He had been thinking of talking to her for a long time but never knew what to speak. He had to reach home quickly before his parents, to clean and avoid a long lecture which would eventually end up spoiling his mood.

 

He again sat in the bus, only this time without any annoying people who blathered. The day kept getting better, but he knew his mom would ruin his mood when she and his dad reached back home. 

 

It was evening already. His mom and dad were back from their 'vacation' in Africa, where they went for the Great Migration. They weren't poor, but had a little bit financial crisis at the moment and his parents decided to take a vacation from work. His feelings towards them was mixed. He loved them for all the little things they had done for him, but the hurt he felt because of them was harsher, more than the amount of love he received. They were excited about seeing him though he liked it better while they were gone."How was your trip!?" Alan treid to sound excited.

 

"It was just wonderful," came a reply from his mother. "I have never seen so many animals in the wild! We went to the river and saw the animals cross over!" He just stopped listening after that. She was blabbering something about clicking photos and their hotel.

 

"I'm tired. I'm gonna sleep now." Alan interrupted his mother and left her mid sentence".

 

He wasn't planning on sleeping. He opened his phone and looked at Theresa's photo now that he had her number. "I'll text hey tomorrow maybe." he thought to himself. Alan really liked her. It was a long time since he felt something, a feeling, so strong.

 

He kept his phone on the teak bed-side table, turned over with one hand under his pillow and the other straight. Gradually, he fell asleep

 


End file.
